Are you ready? Are you ready for the next part?? Its intense people. I’m gonna warn you, it isn’t a feel good, happy ending for a
little while. It’s the start of a downward spiral. So if you are coming here and hoping to get a little inspiring message, this is not the one to read.
Baby Sister’s funeral. The day arrived. October 27. I had very little to do with the planning of it. Really the only thing that I did was pick a few things up for my mom and make the program for it. My mom and 3 of the 5 sisters made the arrangements; the other sister would have liked to be involved, but she was gone for the majority of the time in England on business. It was up
near my mom’s house, close to where the accident happened and where Baby Sister was living just before she died. It was just over an hour away from my house, so I decided that in the interest of time and money I would invite my friend to drive up with me. My kids were staying home with Kevin and my friend was leaving her family at home too. I told my mom that I would come up a few hours early to help her set things up and so we were on the road at about 8 am. It was going to be a long day. I had a sick feeling that things were going to get heated with so many people going there that had heard such bad things about me. I had to face these people and my husband, who is usually my wing man to step in when things get out of control, was staying home. I was still pretty sick from morning sickness and was just not myself from all the stress that I was dealing with on top of the anxiety from actually going to the funeral. After stopping in at my mom’s house and realizing that she was already at the church we headed that way to help set things up. My mom and 2 sisters were there getting things started. Because Baby Sister had such little kids, they wanted to release balloons after the funeral was done, so one of my sisters was filling balloons in a room right next to the entrance- the hot headed sister. She had also been working on very simple scrapbooks to give to the kids
of all the pictures that Baby Sister had taken. They were going to be displayed for the funeral. The plan was to use these tall vases filled with glass beads and have bamboo shoots coming out of them with twine strung from vase to vase and have the pages hanging from clothes pin. The idea was to focus on her life and all the things that she did and all the pictures that she took with her kids. Really, the whole focus of the funeral was the kids. My mom wanted them to remember every good thing about their mom and to remember that the day of her funeral was happy and we sent her to heaven with smiles on our faces. It was a very sweet sentiment.
So one sister was filling balloons, one sister was trying to set up vases, my mom was arranging flowers that people had sent and making a nice display for her erne. I came in and tried to start helping, and my friend who was with me tried to be helpful as well. We started by taking all the scrapbook pages that Hot Head Sister made and putting them in slipcover and then into a binder. It wasn’t a hard job, just time consuming to put 200+ pages in slip covers and fit them into 2 books. Hot Head shouted hello to me and asked who was with me, when I told her the temper started simmering. She was one of those fine people who has no filter from her brain to her mouth. She made some snippy comment about how my friend had no right to be there and my mom yelled at her to knock it off. The one level headed sister started with her temper too. She was trying to set up the vases and was having no luck, the pictures were too heavy for the line and one vase tipped over and broke. It was all hats off at this point. My mom was frustrated, both sisters were yelling and there is broken glass and glass beads all over the place. The vases weren’t working. They were trying to keep them stable by putting chairs next to them to keep them from standing up, I made a suggestion to get a few heavy rocks and put them in the vase to keep it stable and was yelled at to stay out of it. The other sister arrived and walked into this huge yelling war between Hot-Head, Level- Head and my mom. My friend and I were sitting on a couch in the foyer still doing our picture job when Hot Head walks in and yells at my friend that she doesn’t want her touching anything, she has not right to be there. My mom interrupted what was the start on a really ugly confrontation and told Hot Head to leave. Level Head followed her and then shortly after, the oldest sister left. So it was me, my friend, my mom and a few other lingering people. It started to calm down, we got things set up and people started coming. I was mortified. So embarrassed that my friend had just witnessed the horror of my sisters. I was embarrassed that my sisters could not een be kind enough for a few hours to people who were also greiving. Mortified that they had such little respect for the church that we were in and the people who were there witnessing this whole thing. In that moment I really did not want t claim that these people were related to me.
My sisters and I were supposed to sing this particular Mumford and Sons song that we had never even practiced together.
After the huge fight that went on, I felt like me going up there with them was going to cause more contention, so I decided to sit that one out. They finally arrived back to the church with a few other people that they collected at my mom’s house and the mood was very different. They were cheery and relaxed and just seemed a little more mellow. I thought for sure they had gone to my mom’s house and gotten high, but was assured later that they did not. The sisters found an empty room and gathered together to practice the song they were singing, they told me to come in and I said that I would let them do it alone, they rolled their eyes and made some snippy comment below their breathe. I didn’t care. My very best friend in the world finally got there, and was a huge relief to me to have a wing man. I knew she wouldn’t let anyone push me around like they had that morning. The funeral was starting and she and I sat alone on the side of the chapel. Oldest Sister did the eulogy and Level Headed sister did a talk as did my mom. My uncle read the book that was given to the kids and then my sisters sang and then the cousin’s to Baby Sister’s kids sang to them. We went outside and released the balloons and then went across town to the fire station where my mom’s ward hosted a luncheon for us.
A big crowd of Baby Sisters friends decided that they were going to go to the local bar and have one more drink for her, which I
thought was incredibly poor taste. They showed up about an hour late to the luncheon. later found out that they took a picture of them at the bar raising their glass to Baby Sister. In that picture the light was beaming down at a strange angle and if you look at the beam of light, you could see the face of Baby Sister. I looked at the picture several times and finally saw it. It was really defined. Kind of creepy how clear the face was. All of her friends were sure it was Baby Sister. The idea never really sat well with
me. Of all the places to be seen, why would she pick a bar? Maybe she was just there with all her friends but a Bar. I didn’t like it.
The funeral, the actual program was nice, parts of my sisters talks made me really upset because I felt like they were outright lying about things. But who knows what the truth was. I would always joke about Baby Sister when people I knew also knew her. We would always have conflicting stories about things and we would joke that we knew what her name was but everything after that was hearsay. Sad that even at her funeral I was questioning the truth of things.
I mentioned before all the horrible things that people had said about me and to me and at the funeral were all the people that
had said them. Two of my brother-in-laws came up to me in an attempt to make things right with us, but the things that they said were nowhere near an apology. They simply said there’s never really been anything between us, so we should just be friends.
Another one who I was the most offended by , stopped me made am actual apology and gave me a hug. Later he proved that he said sorry, but through his actions he showed otherwise. It was a smack in the face. I hadn’t told very many people that I was pregnant, but somehow the word got out and everyone was asking when I was due and things about the pregnancy. I didn’t appreciate that they used me being pregnant as a way to ease back into my life without making anything right between us.
It was done and I was ready to put it behind me and move on with other things in my life. It had consumed such a huge portion of my thoughts, given me so much stress and anxiety, made me so angry and I was ready to be done with all of it. I had things to
look forward to. I had a board member of the General Primary Presidency visiting my primary the day and I was teaching sharing time, something that I loved doing. I had my 12 week appointment that week and was so excited to hear a heartbeat of the life that was in my belly. Halloween was that week and I had costumes to finish up and pumpkin carving to do. I could put this behind me. I could be done with it. It was a relief.
I came home and told Kevin all about it and we both rolled our eyes and washed our hands of it. I finished up the last preperations for my sharing time and had a relaxing (anything would be relaxing after the morning I had) night with my little family. I got up the next day with a new focus. I was going to be cheerful. I was going to be grateful. I was going to find the good. I was so excited to teach sharing time. it was the highlight of my week to go to primary most weeks and today I got to have a Board Member come and visit with our primary. I got all my morning meeting done. Came home and got the kids ready and was just about to walk out the door, yelled to the kids to gather up their stuff and make sure they had their hair and teeth done. And I went upstairs to use the bathroom. I was bleeding. Pretty Heavy.
Cheer...gone. Grateful....gone.
Panic....fear....devastation were the
little while. It’s the start of a downward spiral. So if you are coming here and hoping to get a little inspiring message, this is not the one to read.
Baby Sister’s funeral. The day arrived. October 27. I had very little to do with the planning of it. Really the only thing that I did was pick a few things up for my mom and make the program for it. My mom and 3 of the 5 sisters made the arrangements; the other sister would have liked to be involved, but she was gone for the majority of the time in England on business. It was up
near my mom’s house, close to where the accident happened and where Baby Sister was living just before she died. It was just over an hour away from my house, so I decided that in the interest of time and money I would invite my friend to drive up with me. My kids were staying home with Kevin and my friend was leaving her family at home too. I told my mom that I would come up a few hours early to help her set things up and so we were on the road at about 8 am. It was going to be a long day. I had a sick feeling that things were going to get heated with so many people going there that had heard such bad things about me. I had to face these people and my husband, who is usually my wing man to step in when things get out of control, was staying home. I was still pretty sick from morning sickness and was just not myself from all the stress that I was dealing with on top of the anxiety from actually going to the funeral. After stopping in at my mom’s house and realizing that she was already at the church we headed that way to help set things up. My mom and 2 sisters were there getting things started. Because Baby Sister had such little kids, they wanted to release balloons after the funeral was done, so one of my sisters was filling balloons in a room right next to the entrance- the hot headed sister. She had also been working on very simple scrapbooks to give to the kids
of all the pictures that Baby Sister had taken. They were going to be displayed for the funeral. The plan was to use these tall vases filled with glass beads and have bamboo shoots coming out of them with twine strung from vase to vase and have the pages hanging from clothes pin. The idea was to focus on her life and all the things that she did and all the pictures that she took with her kids. Really, the whole focus of the funeral was the kids. My mom wanted them to remember every good thing about their mom and to remember that the day of her funeral was happy and we sent her to heaven with smiles on our faces. It was a very sweet sentiment.
So one sister was filling balloons, one sister was trying to set up vases, my mom was arranging flowers that people had sent and making a nice display for her erne. I came in and tried to start helping, and my friend who was with me tried to be helpful as well. We started by taking all the scrapbook pages that Hot Head Sister made and putting them in slipcover and then into a binder. It wasn’t a hard job, just time consuming to put 200+ pages in slip covers and fit them into 2 books. Hot Head shouted hello to me and asked who was with me, when I told her the temper started simmering. She was one of those fine people who has no filter from her brain to her mouth. She made some snippy comment about how my friend had no right to be there and my mom yelled at her to knock it off. The one level headed sister started with her temper too. She was trying to set up the vases and was having no luck, the pictures were too heavy for the line and one vase tipped over and broke. It was all hats off at this point. My mom was frustrated, both sisters were yelling and there is broken glass and glass beads all over the place. The vases weren’t working. They were trying to keep them stable by putting chairs next to them to keep them from standing up, I made a suggestion to get a few heavy rocks and put them in the vase to keep it stable and was yelled at to stay out of it. The other sister arrived and walked into this huge yelling war between Hot-Head, Level- Head and my mom. My friend and I were sitting on a couch in the foyer still doing our picture job when Hot Head walks in and yells at my friend that she doesn’t want her touching anything, she has not right to be there. My mom interrupted what was the start on a really ugly confrontation and told Hot Head to leave. Level Head followed her and then shortly after, the oldest sister left. So it was me, my friend, my mom and a few other lingering people. It started to calm down, we got things set up and people started coming. I was mortified. So embarrassed that my friend had just witnessed the horror of my sisters. I was embarrassed that my sisters could not een be kind enough for a few hours to people who were also greiving. Mortified that they had such little respect for the church that we were in and the people who were there witnessing this whole thing. In that moment I really did not want t claim that these people were related to me.
My sisters and I were supposed to sing this particular Mumford and Sons song that we had never even practiced together.
After the huge fight that went on, I felt like me going up there with them was going to cause more contention, so I decided to sit that one out. They finally arrived back to the church with a few other people that they collected at my mom’s house and the mood was very different. They were cheery and relaxed and just seemed a little more mellow. I thought for sure they had gone to my mom’s house and gotten high, but was assured later that they did not. The sisters found an empty room and gathered together to practice the song they were singing, they told me to come in and I said that I would let them do it alone, they rolled their eyes and made some snippy comment below their breathe. I didn’t care. My very best friend in the world finally got there, and was a huge relief to me to have a wing man. I knew she wouldn’t let anyone push me around like they had that morning. The funeral was starting and she and I sat alone on the side of the chapel. Oldest Sister did the eulogy and Level Headed sister did a talk as did my mom. My uncle read the book that was given to the kids and then my sisters sang and then the cousin’s to Baby Sister’s kids sang to them. We went outside and released the balloons and then went across town to the fire station where my mom’s ward hosted a luncheon for us.
A big crowd of Baby Sisters friends decided that they were going to go to the local bar and have one more drink for her, which I
thought was incredibly poor taste. They showed up about an hour late to the luncheon. later found out that they took a picture of them at the bar raising their glass to Baby Sister. In that picture the light was beaming down at a strange angle and if you look at the beam of light, you could see the face of Baby Sister. I looked at the picture several times and finally saw it. It was really defined. Kind of creepy how clear the face was. All of her friends were sure it was Baby Sister. The idea never really sat well with
me. Of all the places to be seen, why would she pick a bar? Maybe she was just there with all her friends but a Bar. I didn’t like it.
The funeral, the actual program was nice, parts of my sisters talks made me really upset because I felt like they were outright lying about things. But who knows what the truth was. I would always joke about Baby Sister when people I knew also knew her. We would always have conflicting stories about things and we would joke that we knew what her name was but everything after that was hearsay. Sad that even at her funeral I was questioning the truth of things.
I mentioned before all the horrible things that people had said about me and to me and at the funeral were all the people that
had said them. Two of my brother-in-laws came up to me in an attempt to make things right with us, but the things that they said were nowhere near an apology. They simply said there’s never really been anything between us, so we should just be friends.
Another one who I was the most offended by , stopped me made am actual apology and gave me a hug. Later he proved that he said sorry, but through his actions he showed otherwise. It was a smack in the face. I hadn’t told very many people that I was pregnant, but somehow the word got out and everyone was asking when I was due and things about the pregnancy. I didn’t appreciate that they used me being pregnant as a way to ease back into my life without making anything right between us.
It was done and I was ready to put it behind me and move on with other things in my life. It had consumed such a huge portion of my thoughts, given me so much stress and anxiety, made me so angry and I was ready to be done with all of it. I had things to
look forward to. I had a board member of the General Primary Presidency visiting my primary the day and I was teaching sharing time, something that I loved doing. I had my 12 week appointment that week and was so excited to hear a heartbeat of the life that was in my belly. Halloween was that week and I had costumes to finish up and pumpkin carving to do. I could put this behind me. I could be done with it. It was a relief.
I came home and told Kevin all about it and we both rolled our eyes and washed our hands of it. I finished up the last preperations for my sharing time and had a relaxing (anything would be relaxing after the morning I had) night with my little family. I got up the next day with a new focus. I was going to be cheerful. I was going to be grateful. I was going to find the good. I was so excited to teach sharing time. it was the highlight of my week to go to primary most weeks and today I got to have a Board Member come and visit with our primary. I got all my morning meeting done. Came home and got the kids ready and was just about to walk out the door, yelled to the kids to gather up their stuff and make sure they had their hair and teeth done. And I went upstairs to use the bathroom. I was bleeding. Pretty Heavy.
Cheer...gone. Grateful....gone.
Panic....fear....devastation were the
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