Can I just pause for a moment from the gabbing and tell you all thanks. No, I mean, REALLY…Thank you. You make a girl feel loved…supported…thought about…strong…NORMAL. And its been a while since I have felt normal. So, really from all that is in me…Thank you. :*)
I last left on a bit of a high. I felt good. I felt at peace. I was having frequent conversations with my mom. She invited me to go with her the day that Baby Sister was being cremated, just she and I with my daughter and Baby Sisters daughter tagging along. Someone needed to make the final identification of her body before the cremation could take place, so I would be able to see her body once more. I agreed, but it was more so that I thought she would need some support with her than me wanting to go see her body. I was never one for looking at a person’s spiritless body; it just seemed cold to me to want to see the shell of who a person was. She had with her in her casket a note from her son and a drawing from her daughter; they were clutched in her hand. They wanted her to have those notes with her when she went to heaven. It wasn’t at all like the day we went to see my dad before he was cremated. Three of my sisters and I all went with my mom on the day that my dad was cremated; to the same funeral home that was helping with my sister’s final arrangements. We met there, we saw my dad’s body and we felt a peace that this is what he needed to be released form a long, painful string of illnesses. When my mom and I, with the 2 little ones in tote, saw Baby Sister it was a confirmation that things could have and should have been so different. Her daughter stood there beside her mom in the casket, which was such an unnatural thing, and said goodbye to her mommy, she said “my mom is so pretty;” it just made my heart break. I gave my mom some private moments with baby Sister and then we took the 2 little girls to get some lunch and I wanted to get baby Sister’s daughter a Build-a-Bear, so that when she missed her mom, she could hug that bear and remember all the good times she had with her. We let her pick out anything she wanted for that bear. Of course, being Baby Sisters daughter, she chose a pink bear and my mom and I more or less talked her into getting a voice box in it that said “I love you!” She wanted the annoying pop music, which is also so like Baby Sister. It was good for me to be able to give something to Baby Sister’s daughter that I know she would have wanted her to have. We spent the afternoon playing with the 2 girls and listening to them fighting in the back seat of my car. It was a flash back of when Baby Sister and I would do the same thin in the back seat of our family car. It helped me to remember the good times with her. My mom went back the funeral home o get Baby Sister’s ashes and I went home.
We continued our frequent conversations ; my mom was really struggling. Two of my sisters had come from California to “help” with the funeral plans and were causing headaches for more than just my mom. One sister has only 2 emotions that she expresses: Happiness and rage; the later was the more frequent of the two. I would call my mom and she would tell me that all 3 of the sisters at her house were fighting and she just wanted to have a quiet house to go home to. I hated nothing more than
to hear my mom crying and to hear her feeling so down. I became a little obsessive with trying to lift her spirits. Knowing my Baby Sister, anyone would say that she hated seeing people down. She always had a smile on her face and would part the great seas if she could to help a friend. I felt like both me and Baby Sister were alike in this way. I needed to help my mom feel better- for the both of us. I started sending her quotes every day. I called them little bits of love. Just a little something to remind her that she was in my thoughts and to bring up her spirits. Some were scriptures that I always found helpful when I was down ( like Joshua 1:9) and some were just little things that I found to give her that little push she needed. A few of my favorite ones were:
If what’s ahead scares you and what’s behind hurts you just look above, He never fails to help you.-Catherine M Wallace
When one door of happiness closes, another one opens. But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that is opened. –Hellen Keller
When God solves your problems, you have faith is His abilities. When he doesn’t solve your problems, He has faith in yours.
The most beautiful people I know have known defeat, known suffering known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. –Elizabeth Ross
When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness is the key to life. When I went to school and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told them happy. They said I did not understand the question. I said they did not understand life. – John Lennon.
Then I found this quote: Music is what feelings sound like. So I got a little obsessive about songs. I would send her links to
songs such as this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyue2N1XZ0M
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0IDiVQxZYg
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJWk_KNbDHo
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-0gsQ-1py8
It helped... Me.
I found so much more peace in sending these to my mom than maybe she did. I would hear the songs on my MP3 player and think of Baby Sister and find even more peace. I would start to get down, or have a thought enter my head that was not kind of
her and a song would come on the radio or repeat itself on my MP3 player and I would be reminded that I love her and I forgive her. We would have little private moments together through these songs. I would tell her hello when I would hear a song and I would thank her for being with me and guiding me with what I needed to do. And she would give warmth all around me.
Funny how things work out like that.
About a month or so after Baby Sister passed away, her best friend since grade school had gone to see a psychic. (Disclaimer: I do not believe in Psychics, but I do believe that spirits have ways of communicating messages to their loved ones so just hear me out on this one.) In the visit to this psychic she drew a picture that had a pretty close depiction of the book that I made for her children on it and wrote “thank-you” next to it; then right next to that, wrote something like "songs on the radio," and a few other things that I will get into later. I knew what it meant. I knew it was for me.
She and I were okay. We were helping each other help those who were so shattered and bruised. Including the two of us.
I last left on a bit of a high. I felt good. I felt at peace. I was having frequent conversations with my mom. She invited me to go with her the day that Baby Sister was being cremated, just she and I with my daughter and Baby Sisters daughter tagging along. Someone needed to make the final identification of her body before the cremation could take place, so I would be able to see her body once more. I agreed, but it was more so that I thought she would need some support with her than me wanting to go see her body. I was never one for looking at a person’s spiritless body; it just seemed cold to me to want to see the shell of who a person was. She had with her in her casket a note from her son and a drawing from her daughter; they were clutched in her hand. They wanted her to have those notes with her when she went to heaven. It wasn’t at all like the day we went to see my dad before he was cremated. Three of my sisters and I all went with my mom on the day that my dad was cremated; to the same funeral home that was helping with my sister’s final arrangements. We met there, we saw my dad’s body and we felt a peace that this is what he needed to be released form a long, painful string of illnesses. When my mom and I, with the 2 little ones in tote, saw Baby Sister it was a confirmation that things could have and should have been so different. Her daughter stood there beside her mom in the casket, which was such an unnatural thing, and said goodbye to her mommy, she said “my mom is so pretty;” it just made my heart break. I gave my mom some private moments with baby Sister and then we took the 2 little girls to get some lunch and I wanted to get baby Sister’s daughter a Build-a-Bear, so that when she missed her mom, she could hug that bear and remember all the good times she had with her. We let her pick out anything she wanted for that bear. Of course, being Baby Sisters daughter, she chose a pink bear and my mom and I more or less talked her into getting a voice box in it that said “I love you!” She wanted the annoying pop music, which is also so like Baby Sister. It was good for me to be able to give something to Baby Sister’s daughter that I know she would have wanted her to have. We spent the afternoon playing with the 2 girls and listening to them fighting in the back seat of my car. It was a flash back of when Baby Sister and I would do the same thin in the back seat of our family car. It helped me to remember the good times with her. My mom went back the funeral home o get Baby Sister’s ashes and I went home.
We continued our frequent conversations ; my mom was really struggling. Two of my sisters had come from California to “help” with the funeral plans and were causing headaches for more than just my mom. One sister has only 2 emotions that she expresses: Happiness and rage; the later was the more frequent of the two. I would call my mom and she would tell me that all 3 of the sisters at her house were fighting and she just wanted to have a quiet house to go home to. I hated nothing more than
to hear my mom crying and to hear her feeling so down. I became a little obsessive with trying to lift her spirits. Knowing my Baby Sister, anyone would say that she hated seeing people down. She always had a smile on her face and would part the great seas if she could to help a friend. I felt like both me and Baby Sister were alike in this way. I needed to help my mom feel better- for the both of us. I started sending her quotes every day. I called them little bits of love. Just a little something to remind her that she was in my thoughts and to bring up her spirits. Some were scriptures that I always found helpful when I was down ( like Joshua 1:9) and some were just little things that I found to give her that little push she needed. A few of my favorite ones were:
If what’s ahead scares you and what’s behind hurts you just look above, He never fails to help you.-Catherine M Wallace
When one door of happiness closes, another one opens. But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that is opened. –Hellen Keller
When God solves your problems, you have faith is His abilities. When he doesn’t solve your problems, He has faith in yours.
The most beautiful people I know have known defeat, known suffering known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. –Elizabeth Ross
When I was 5 years old, my mother told me that happiness is the key to life. When I went to school and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I told them happy. They said I did not understand the question. I said they did not understand life. – John Lennon.
Then I found this quote: Music is what feelings sound like. So I got a little obsessive about songs. I would send her links to
songs such as this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyue2N1XZ0M
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0IDiVQxZYg
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJWk_KNbDHo
and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-0gsQ-1py8
It helped... Me.
I found so much more peace in sending these to my mom than maybe she did. I would hear the songs on my MP3 player and think of Baby Sister and find even more peace. I would start to get down, or have a thought enter my head that was not kind of
her and a song would come on the radio or repeat itself on my MP3 player and I would be reminded that I love her and I forgive her. We would have little private moments together through these songs. I would tell her hello when I would hear a song and I would thank her for being with me and guiding me with what I needed to do. And she would give warmth all around me.
Funny how things work out like that.
About a month or so after Baby Sister passed away, her best friend since grade school had gone to see a psychic. (Disclaimer: I do not believe in Psychics, but I do believe that spirits have ways of communicating messages to their loved ones so just hear me out on this one.) In the visit to this psychic she drew a picture that had a pretty close depiction of the book that I made for her children on it and wrote “thank-you” next to it; then right next to that, wrote something like "songs on the radio," and a few other things that I will get into later. I knew what it meant. I knew it was for me.
She and I were okay. We were helping each other help those who were so shattered and bruised. Including the two of us.
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