It’s 5:30 in the morning. Normally I would be asleep in
my bed savoring the last few hours of sleep. But I have been up since 2 am worrying,
thinking, praying and trying to be incredibly aware of the pain level in my
abdomen. And repeating the only 3
lines of a song that I know that is stuck in my head. And
starving.
I will explain.
Saturday, I
started getting some abdomen pain that I brushed off to being another
ovarian cyst that was going to burst at its will. I popped Advil 800’s like pez
and went about the long list of things that I needed to do. Sunday the pain
seemed to subside until about eight at night. And then it came on strong and
fast. My pain level went from a 0 to a 10 in a matter of 5 minutes. I
laid on my couch and clenched my teeth and fists and tried not to move at all,
hoping that the Advil 800 would kick in at any moment. It started of as a
stabbing pain in my lower left side and then radiated into my back and started spreading into my entire
abdomen then started making my legs go numb. The pain was constant. About 20 minutes
into and I started getting adrenaline shivers, something that I am
privy to when I am in labor (my pain level is so intense that my body surges
with adrenaline and it gives me uncontrollable shivers, kind of like mini
seizures) this is when I knew that this was not a normal cyst, but something
different and getting more serious by the second. I called up to Kevin, who was
trying his best to wrangle our 3 kids into bed and told him that I think I
should go the emergency room. He
made what seemed like a hundred phone calls to see if someone could come sit
with our kids so we would not have to have them in the ER with us getting what
ever fun illnesses are floating around in those halls. Finally we got a hold of
my sister in law and we left the kids all together in my bed watching Olivia
while she came down from Mapelton and we left for the
ER.
About 2/3 of the way there, the Advil finally kicked in and I had
a tiny bit of relief. Then I started to rethink what I knew would be a thousand
dollar bill, for something that they would likely say was yet another cyst. We
checked in, all the while rethinking and then decided to call our former bishop
and friend who was a trusty gut doctor of sorts to get a quick opinion about
whether we should stay or go. Explained what had happened, answered some
questions and he told us that I am probably fine to leave and see my regular
doctor the next day. So we signed an AMA form and headed back home.
The next morning was the boys first day of school. We were all up
at 7 and spirits were high and excitement was in the air. The pain in my abdomen
was still present but only at about a 3. I started my morning off with yet
another Advil 800. Got the boys off to school and then made my appointment to
see what this gut issue was.
Doctors office with Kenaley, just after she woke up
from her nap and me still having this slightly present gut pain was a challenge.
I explain that all my symptoms and the events of the night before, and my doctor
looks at me with a pretty serious look and says “are you pregnant?” and I say
no, I had my cycle about 2 weeks ago and had them run a pregnancy test a few
days before I started it since I was 6 weeks late before that one, and I am on
the pill. He tells me to go get
another one, something that I think is a waste of time but I do it anyway. Then
I sit alone in the room with Kenaley trying just about anything that I can to
keep her entertained. He walks in and tells me that I am in fact pregnant. The
first thing that comes out of my dropped jaw is: Kevin is going to flip out.
Then things start to dawn on me…
I have been pregnant 3 times. Never have I felt like
this before, and never have I found out this early in the game that there was
life in my belly. And then my
doctor starts in on what this means. I am still in the shocked phase and
everything that he is telling me is kid of a blur. I get a blood test, schedule
an ultrasound for that day. He tells me no ore Advil and pay very close
attention to your pain level. Then
things become more clear. There wasn’t any excitement or a congratulatory tone
to the seriousness that he was telling me, something was not right with this.
I call Kevin who gets the blow that I am pregnant and then the
bigger blow that something is wrong, pick up the kids at a friends house where
they walked to after school, and head home to do first day of school paper work
and pass out snacks. I have 2 hours until I go get the ultrasound. I get on the
phone with my BFF, the person who I call for everything, who would talk me off a
cliff, help me hide the body, knows my every secret in life, and I tell her
everything. We sit and think of any possible outcome to this problem that could
be and decide to confer again after the ultra sound.
The time finally
comes and I rally the kids together and drop them off again to my friends house,
and then Kevin and I take what seems to be the 2 hour long drive to Provo to get
the ultra sound. We arrive and get to pass up all the other patients in the
waiting room and get taken back to
a room. The tech asks me few questions and then starts the ultrasound. She
doesn’t say anything. Goes about her work, taking a bunch of pictures of grey
and black blurbs on the screen without any conversation at all. This was not
like any ultrasound I have ever had. She finally explains that normally we would
see a dark circle with a lighter circle in it, but all I have is the dark
circle. Says that it might be a cyct, but with a positive pregnancy test, it
raises suspicions. Then she tries
to reassure me that it is probably just too early to see anything, but
everything in me is telling me that all these things are pointing to not good
answers. She gets done and tells
me that she is going to call the radiologist and my doctor and asks me if I can
wait for a few minutes. I had
never been asked to wait, always told that I would get the results at a later
date, but we do. We over hear bits
of conversations that the technician is having with each of them, she asks me if
I had gotten an HCG level test, I tell her yes but I don’t get the results until
tomorrow. She asks us to wait
longer. Five minutes turns into 45 and she finally tells me that one of the
doctor’s from my doctors office would like to talk to me on the phone. Never
happened before.
She explains that what they are seeing on the ultrasound looks
very suspicious of an ectopic pregnancy. What can confirm it is the test that I
get the results of in the morning. She tries to explain the severity of the
diagnosis, but I am in a cloud and still in shock about the whole thing. She
tells me that my doctor will be calling me tonight to further explain what to
do, but tells me that I am not to eat or drink anything from that point on, in
case I need to go have surgery tonight. We finally leave the office and head
back to get the kids at my friends house. I don’t think I have ever felt so numb
in my life. The emotional ups and downs of the day just completely numbs
me.
My doctor calls while we are driving and first off asks
me what my pain level is. I tell him about a 3 and he continues to ask a bunch
of questions about it. He then gives me my action plan:
no eating or drinking, no pain killers, if the pain gets above a 5 go right to
the ER and I will have to have emergent surgery to get the bubble out of my
ovary, if the pain stays at the level it is then I will wait until the morning
when we get the results of the HCG test which will tell us how pregnant I am. I
ask why it is even relevant if it is ectopic and he tells me that because that
bubble is still in my ovary it could be a viable pregnancy but early enough that
it has not traveled to the uterus, but it also could be an ectopic pregnancy
that is further along than we thought. The test will tell us the bubbles age and
will give us a better picture of what happens next.
So all night, I have been very aware of my pain level,
rating if it has gotten worse or better since the last hour, hoping and praying
that the little bubble is very young and will move into the place it needs to
be and grow into what it should, trying to make a game plan for the what ifs
and making a check list in my head of all the things I should be doing instead of sleeping,
trying not to let the surge of emotions surface, and starving.
Its 7 am now, I need to get the boys up and get them ready for
school.
Couple more hours until I know.
my bed savoring the last few hours of sleep. But I have been up since 2 am worrying,
thinking, praying and trying to be incredibly aware of the pain level in my
abdomen. And repeating the only 3
lines of a song that I know that is stuck in my head. And
starving.
I will explain.
Saturday, I
started getting some abdomen pain that I brushed off to being another
ovarian cyst that was going to burst at its will. I popped Advil 800’s like pez
and went about the long list of things that I needed to do. Sunday the pain
seemed to subside until about eight at night. And then it came on strong and
fast. My pain level went from a 0 to a 10 in a matter of 5 minutes. I
laid on my couch and clenched my teeth and fists and tried not to move at all,
hoping that the Advil 800 would kick in at any moment. It started of as a
stabbing pain in my lower left side and then radiated into my back and started spreading into my entire
abdomen then started making my legs go numb. The pain was constant. About 20 minutes
into and I started getting adrenaline shivers, something that I am
privy to when I am in labor (my pain level is so intense that my body surges
with adrenaline and it gives me uncontrollable shivers, kind of like mini
seizures) this is when I knew that this was not a normal cyst, but something
different and getting more serious by the second. I called up to Kevin, who was
trying his best to wrangle our 3 kids into bed and told him that I think I
should go the emergency room. He
made what seemed like a hundred phone calls to see if someone could come sit
with our kids so we would not have to have them in the ER with us getting what
ever fun illnesses are floating around in those halls. Finally we got a hold of
my sister in law and we left the kids all together in my bed watching Olivia
while she came down from Mapelton and we left for the
ER.
About 2/3 of the way there, the Advil finally kicked in and I had
a tiny bit of relief. Then I started to rethink what I knew would be a thousand
dollar bill, for something that they would likely say was yet another cyst. We
checked in, all the while rethinking and then decided to call our former bishop
and friend who was a trusty gut doctor of sorts to get a quick opinion about
whether we should stay or go. Explained what had happened, answered some
questions and he told us that I am probably fine to leave and see my regular
doctor the next day. So we signed an AMA form and headed back home.
The next morning was the boys first day of school. We were all up
at 7 and spirits were high and excitement was in the air. The pain in my abdomen
was still present but only at about a 3. I started my morning off with yet
another Advil 800. Got the boys off to school and then made my appointment to
see what this gut issue was.
Doctors office with Kenaley, just after she woke up
from her nap and me still having this slightly present gut pain was a challenge.
I explain that all my symptoms and the events of the night before, and my doctor
looks at me with a pretty serious look and says “are you pregnant?” and I say
no, I had my cycle about 2 weeks ago and had them run a pregnancy test a few
days before I started it since I was 6 weeks late before that one, and I am on
the pill. He tells me to go get
another one, something that I think is a waste of time but I do it anyway. Then
I sit alone in the room with Kenaley trying just about anything that I can to
keep her entertained. He walks in and tells me that I am in fact pregnant. The
first thing that comes out of my dropped jaw is: Kevin is going to flip out.
Then things start to dawn on me…
I have been pregnant 3 times. Never have I felt like
this before, and never have I found out this early in the game that there was
life in my belly. And then my
doctor starts in on what this means. I am still in the shocked phase and
everything that he is telling me is kid of a blur. I get a blood test, schedule
an ultrasound for that day. He tells me no ore Advil and pay very close
attention to your pain level. Then
things become more clear. There wasn’t any excitement or a congratulatory tone
to the seriousness that he was telling me, something was not right with this.
I call Kevin who gets the blow that I am pregnant and then the
bigger blow that something is wrong, pick up the kids at a friends house where
they walked to after school, and head home to do first day of school paper work
and pass out snacks. I have 2 hours until I go get the ultrasound. I get on the
phone with my BFF, the person who I call for everything, who would talk me off a
cliff, help me hide the body, knows my every secret in life, and I tell her
everything. We sit and think of any possible outcome to this problem that could
be and decide to confer again after the ultra sound.
The time finally
comes and I rally the kids together and drop them off again to my friends house,
and then Kevin and I take what seems to be the 2 hour long drive to Provo to get
the ultra sound. We arrive and get to pass up all the other patients in the
waiting room and get taken back to
a room. The tech asks me few questions and then starts the ultrasound. She
doesn’t say anything. Goes about her work, taking a bunch of pictures of grey
and black blurbs on the screen without any conversation at all. This was not
like any ultrasound I have ever had. She finally explains that normally we would
see a dark circle with a lighter circle in it, but all I have is the dark
circle. Says that it might be a cyct, but with a positive pregnancy test, it
raises suspicions. Then she tries
to reassure me that it is probably just too early to see anything, but
everything in me is telling me that all these things are pointing to not good
answers. She gets done and tells
me that she is going to call the radiologist and my doctor and asks me if I can
wait for a few minutes. I had
never been asked to wait, always told that I would get the results at a later
date, but we do. We over hear bits
of conversations that the technician is having with each of them, she asks me if
I had gotten an HCG level test, I tell her yes but I don’t get the results until
tomorrow. She asks us to wait
longer. Five minutes turns into 45 and she finally tells me that one of the
doctor’s from my doctors office would like to talk to me on the phone. Never
happened before.
She explains that what they are seeing on the ultrasound looks
very suspicious of an ectopic pregnancy. What can confirm it is the test that I
get the results of in the morning. She tries to explain the severity of the
diagnosis, but I am in a cloud and still in shock about the whole thing. She
tells me that my doctor will be calling me tonight to further explain what to
do, but tells me that I am not to eat or drink anything from that point on, in
case I need to go have surgery tonight. We finally leave the office and head
back to get the kids at my friends house. I don’t think I have ever felt so numb
in my life. The emotional ups and downs of the day just completely numbs
me.
My doctor calls while we are driving and first off asks
me what my pain level is. I tell him about a 3 and he continues to ask a bunch
of questions about it. He then gives me my action plan:
no eating or drinking, no pain killers, if the pain gets above a 5 go right to
the ER and I will have to have emergent surgery to get the bubble out of my
ovary, if the pain stays at the level it is then I will wait until the morning
when we get the results of the HCG test which will tell us how pregnant I am. I
ask why it is even relevant if it is ectopic and he tells me that because that
bubble is still in my ovary it could be a viable pregnancy but early enough that
it has not traveled to the uterus, but it also could be an ectopic pregnancy
that is further along than we thought. The test will tell us the bubbles age and
will give us a better picture of what happens next.
So all night, I have been very aware of my pain level,
rating if it has gotten worse or better since the last hour, hoping and praying
that the little bubble is very young and will move into the place it needs to
be and grow into what it should, trying to make a game plan for the what ifs
and making a check list in my head of all the things I should be doing instead of sleeping,
trying not to let the surge of emotions surface, and starving.
Its 7 am now, I need to get the boys up and get them ready for
school.
Couple more hours until I know.
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